My grandmother used to tell a story about someone, I can't remember if this person was a child or an adult, who used to "insist on putting hot sauce on each dish I served, and used a spoon to eat everything." This last bit was expressed in a conspiratorial tone, as though I knew exactly what that meant, and her contempt for that spoon-using rube.
She tried in vain to deny him spoons, crafting meals that in no way required them, and leaving the table bare of the offensive utensil. Apparently, he would excuse himself from the table, slip into the kitchen and return with a spoon. And even worse! The spoon wouldn't match the rest of the silverware laid out on the table, and he waved it around when he spoke.
A lot of these stories might really have been parables. I think my grandmother was trying to mold me in some way, and in that she certainly succeeded -- I am careful to use silverware as intended. However, I've developed a habit of which I'm sure she would not approve. Yes, I admit it. I put crushed red pepper on everything I eat. There's virtually no savory dish that escapes this addition, and I'm even tempted to try it on sweets (I love spicy and sweet combos) ... chocolate ice cream and crushed pepper! Yum! I blame Steven's mother, who gave the pepper to us as a gift a few months ago.
I feel terrible doing it. I have the palate of a child, I admit it. Maybe it would be more acceptable if I served it from a repurposed silver muffineer?
I certainly do. But these are better, even more overtly phallic:
But would this break my grandmother's rules on using tableware properly? What do we think?